Opening My Eyes; Chapter 2
The opportunity came when my coach offered to sponsor me, so all I had to do was pay $50 a month and I would receive free training, free posing, and a free diet. I talked it over with a few people and some people said it was not Godly, and some people said they thought it was a good way to reach people and spread the Gospel. And just like that, I decided to do it.
My original thought was that God gave me the gift of beauty, and I was to use it for His glory, as well as show the world that you can do anything through Christ. Satan had roped me into once again training for a competition by giving me an opportunity that looked good, and that is exactly what Satan does - he makes something look good, but really it is tainted with sin. He made me think God wanted me to use my beauty to spread His word through fitness modeling and becoming known through doing NPC competitions. But God had a plan to redeem me and open my eyes. He had a greater plan to bring me back to Him.
...I feel so free! When you humble yourself and acknowledge the sin inside you, and go to Jesus, repent and ask him to change your heart -you feel free! You feel the chains break! It is far more glorious than staying in the sin! It’s like a weight lifting off your shoulders and peace sets in your soul.
When our eyes are opened to the sin we are in, and we don’t do anything about it, it is like turning our backs away from Jesus. It is like slapping Him in the face. If we continue to sin, Christ would have died in vain. (2 Chronicles 7:14, 2 Peter). When we don’t understand sin, a we do not accept the things of the Spirit of God, they are foolish to us because we are not accepting His knowledge, which is spiritually discerned. (1 Corinthians 2:14) This is why it is important for us to challenge our faith, and ask God to test our faith... and our hearts. By Him testing our hearts we mature and grow in Christ. We become closer to him. We are put through trials that will strengthen our testimony and lead others to God.
God started to open my eyes soon after accepting my coaches offer to be sponsored, and I began to start seeing the sin that I was in. My friend tried to warn me, and I listened to her. She was right. My original thought was that it was a muscle competition. If a guy looks at me with desire, that sin is on him right? No! That is exactly what Satan wants you to think. He had me brain washed. I figured even though I was getting in a bikini on stage and causing men to have sinful thoughts, that it wasn’t my fault because it was a competition. I was wrong. It was 100% my fault because I made the decision to go and do the competition.
Eventually I saw this lie I had created in my head. My friend and I prayed that I would be redeemed - and God did more than that. He used it for His glory. I couldn’t back out because I had an agreement with my coach and I had to finish through. At first I was praying to place for myself to raise up my own image and be successful, but I began to pray that God would use the sin I was in for His glory. I prayed to place so that I would have the authority to talk about sin, and expose it, so that others eyes may be opened. So they would have the ears to hear, and God would change their hearts to leave behind the NPC and follow Him.
As time went on I knew my fast was approaching. Fear was setting in. I wanted to glorify God and I was afraid that I wouldn’t if I continued to train because I was afraid I wouldn’t gain muscle mass and I would be left with skin and bones. I was 126 pounds when I was about to start my fast and only 18% body fat. I debated moving the fast or doing another competition. But after I prayed to Jesus, He took away my fear, He pulled me up, and I trusted Him. I saw His plan. His plan was for me to do this fast during prep so that others would see that all you need is Jesus, and that Jesus is Life! Not only did He change my heart so that my intent was to glorify God, but I also imagined placing and smashing the trophy because I wanted to tell the world of this evil.
However, as I continued to train, I saw that it made me very vain, and I began to see the vanity in competing and modeling. I began taking more pictures of myself and idolizing my own image. I began to love me more and Jesus less. I began to idolize my body. I was spending more time on me than I was on Jesus, and in turn this hardened my heart and made me more selfish. I noticed the impact and I prayed for Jesus to change my heart and continue to open my eyes. I also noticed how it starts by taking progress pictures, then progress pictures in a bra and leggings, then slowly you start to continue to lose your view of modesty and all of the sudden you’re taking pictures of yourself in your underwear and posting them. It never got that far for me but I could see that it would happen if I continued on the path I was taking. And you have to ask yourself, would I send those pictures to my father?! No! Jesus is Abba, our father! He is our papa, he doesn’t want to see his daughters posting pictures half naked. He doesn’t want men lusting over us. He wants us to stay his pure hearted, innocent daughters. And of course, none of us are innocent, but it is our job to strive to be holy and righteous before God. A good rule of thumb when it comes to modesty is don’t wear anything you wouldn’t want your daughter wearing, and don’t wear anything you wouldn’t send to your father or pastor.
When we post these immodest and sexual pictures, we are causing men to sin and that sin falls on our shoulders. We will be judged for causing others to sin just as false teachers will be judged for leading others astray. My sister in Christ asked me, “What bout the eyes of men Ehrica?” and I said well it’s not supposed to be sexual so if it causes them to sin that’s on them.” What kind of answer is that?! A selfish one. Me not caring about the word and caring more about showing off my body onstage that I worked hard for. I wanted people to see my body, I wanted people to say “She’s a hot mom” and you know what? That was so sinful! Do I want God or my father calling me hot? Absolutely not, that is just weird if you ask me.
Clearly we are not being “Godly” by lowering our standards of modesty, causing others to sin, and being responsible for their sin as the Bible addresses. You know what the Bible says happens to people who lead others astray? That it would be better for them to have a heavy milestone hung around their neck and that they be drowned in the depths of the sea…well that’s enough for me to change my heart on the subject. That is enough for me to fear God and say, "Lord Jesus, Papa, I love you help me! Change my heart! I don’t want to sin any longer! I want to make you proud!" As a Christian, don’t you want to make God proud? It makes my heart so full when I make him proud. This is why there is joy in obedience.
Another way God opened my eyes to sin was by allowing me to be a youth group leader to junior and senior girls at my church. I thought to myself, “would I want them participating in one of these competitions? No, absolutely not. You’re practically in a thong on stage so no way would I want these 16-18 year off showing off their body to men.
All of this didn’t just click instantly. I had to read the word. I had to read God’s law and as I read his Word and I opened my heart to him, He wrote His law on my heart. And my prayer began to be that He not only write it on my heart, but that He engrave it so that I may never wander from Him again. I had to read the Word to be filled each day. Each moment in the world left me more and more hungry and the only way for me to be satisfied was to live off the Word of God. So as God made me hungry and fed and filled me with His word, he was writing His law on my heart, thereby changing my heart. He showed me how to pick up my cross.
When we pick up our cross and follow Jesus, sometimes we walk off path, and sometimes we hang out with people that lead us astray. Because hanging out with worldly people will make you want the world and they will influence you. I only want the world when I’m around those types of people and that’s exactly how the NPC is. They make you want to be famous, they make you want to be glamorous because in order to “succeed” in the fitness industry you need to be well known and you have to promote your own image in order to do so. It makes you not only promote your own image but it makes you insecure about your own qualities that God gave you to the point you’re scrolling through other girls Instagrams that you think they are prettier than you and all of the sudden you’re comparing yourself to them and all of the sudden you think you’re fat or you need a nose job. Literally I was debating on getting a nose job because of social media. And guess what?! Half of those girls that I was idolizing could have had nose jobs. God made us perfect in His image! We don’t need nose jobs, lip injections, ect., to make us feel better! When you accept Christ as your savior and follow Him He will show you that He made you perfect and that He made you without needing to be changed.
When we come alive in Him our insecurities disappear because we no longer want the world. Our appearance isn’t what is important. It’s building His kingdom up that is! We are exactly how Jesus wants us to be. God thought us into existence, He knitted us together in our mother’s wombs. We are exactly how he perfected us. We are His.
However, we are a fallen world and sin exists. We need Jesus to survive. He is our life. He is life. “Jesus said to him, “I am the way, and the truth, and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me.”